Donkey Kong Saves Christmas
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: After Cranky messes up big time, it's up to DK and his wits to reunite everyone in time for the big day.


He slipped two shiny bananas into the stocking and called it a day. He laughed and smacked his big ole belly.

"It's great to be a jolly fellow!" laughed the Kremling Commander King K. Rool.

"Very much, sir!" said General Klump as he started munching on some gingerbread cookies.

King K. Rool shrieked in horror as he saw Klump eating the men of ginger. "Not the GUMDROP BUTTONS!" He quickly pulled out his blunderbuss and fired lethal steel into Klump's idiotic crocodilian cranium.

Klump fell to the ground and K. Rool ran up, slid his arm down Klump's throat, seized the stomach, and squeezed the gingerbread out back onto the cookie sheet.

Krusha giggled because he felt so much holiday spirit and rumble buns.

"What you laughin' at, lugnut?" grunted Klump as he returned to his feet and put his stomach back inside his gut.

The king shushed his moronic cronies. "We cannot be seen!"

Just then, the door opened up slowly. K. Rool gasped. He grabbed his crew and stuffed them up the chimney.

Cranky Kong walked in with a flamethrower because he hated snow more than he hated millennials. He immediately caught sight of the fat green lizard trying to shimmy up the chimney.

"Holy buttz, it's K. Rool!" cried Cranky.

K. Rool was so annoyed that his cover had been blown. He took off his crown to show his respect towards Cranky's amazing beard (which was festively dyed red and green).

"What do you want, stinking butt K. Rool?" growled Cranky as he pulled out a lightsaber and sliced the King's priceless turkey amulet.

K. Rool gasped and laid a loving smoocha on his fallen amulet. A tear slid from his duct and fell upon the wooden floor, causing it to rot and explode due to science mumbo jumbo.

"K. Rool! I knew it! You're after the Crystal Coconut!" roared Cranky. "Wait until I get DK in here to whup major tush all up in this joint!"

K. Rool began to weep more harshly now. He ran up to Cranky and gave him a caring hug of lovingkindness.

Cranky gasped. For one thing, he had no earthly idea that lovingkindness was one word. Secondly, he could not believe the warm love K. Rool's embrace resonated. It was like a lollipop made of gorgeous pompadours.

"I love you, Cranky!" said K. Rool with a sniffle. "I love all of Kongo Bongo and was just trying my hardest to give everyone a totally epic Christmas."

Cranky wept into K. Rool thick, meaty biceps. "Oh, K. Rool. I should not have been such a hasty dolt!"

"It is indeed too late, my friend…" Then K. Rool waved good-bye as he grew a teeny pair of angel wings. A light shone down from the heavens and K. Rool began to ascend. "I love you all…"

Cranky began wailing incessantly. He shaved his beard off and wore sackcloth for twenty days and eighteen and a half nights.

DK walked in the first day, Christmas day to be exact. He saw his grandpa thing weeping in the corner.

"What is going on Cranky?" asked DK very concerned. Just then Diddy crawled out of DK's hidden compartment and did some cosmic analysis.

"Oh, DK and Diddy!" wailed Cranky. "King K. Rool is gone forever and all he wanted to do was spread Christmas cheer and holiday goodness!"

"What a swell deed!" said Diddy. He then walked up to the stockings and put them on his ugly chimp feet. "Gosh, I can feel the moldy bananas mushing between my toes!"

DK was excited to hear this. He took his two cheeks and placed them inside Diddy's socks. "Hey!" said DK in that way he always does in the TV show because it's really creepy and legendary. "These cheeks have life!"

Cranky cried into his handkerchief. "Holy Fusilli Jerry! If only K. Rool knew the love that you all share!"

"King K. Rool probably wants a new car!" said DK excitedly. He used his Instant Transmission to warp to King Kong's planet in Buttworld.

"Serenity now!" roared King Kong as he saw DK approach with a baseball bat.

DK swiftly moved in and broke King Kong's kneecaps. He then swallowed the kneecaps and gained a new power: Hunky Stud Mode.

DK used his newfound powers to fly to Bluster's house.

Bluster opened the door, screamed at the sight of DK's ethereal attractiveness, and then slapped him in the face with a used corn cob from the olden days.

"Bluster!" cried DK. "You need to help me rock this Christmas day to its festive core!"

Bluster smiled at the thought of resurrecting some pecky-abby goodness. He threw on a pair of shades and transformed into the illustrious Leo Luster. "Let's get this bread, daddy-o!"

So DK and Leo Luster flew to Paris where they met Sir Lancelot. They requested a magic pair of pajamas in which to bring K. Rool back to life.

"But you'll need this too…" said Lancelot. He handed them a kumquat.

Then DK and Leo flew back to Cranky's Cabin and showed him the magical PJs.

Cranky wept tears of joy. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever!"

Diddy smiled at the thought until his cheeks exploded day-old nanners. "This wheat has been procured!" he assured his Kong kindred.

"You can bet on that, slim!" said Leo like an absolute boss.

DK went into Cranky's chimney and seized Klump and Krusha. He put the pajamas on them. Klump got the shirt and Krusha got the trousers. Then Dk did a woo and the skies lit up like maple syrup.

Shenron looked down at his fellow reptile boys with disgust and shot an egg out of his mouth. It hatched and King K. Rool stepped out.

Cranky screamed overjoyed and clicked his heels. "It's a Christmas miracle!" He ran up to K. Rool and gave him a glorious hug.

"And to all a good night!" said DK.

"Booyah," said Diddy as he pulled the trigger.

 **THE END**

 **MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY KONGO BONGO FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS!**


End file.
